A Messed Up Phanfiction
by Sherloctor
Summary: A messed up fic that my friend and I wrote in an hour. Contains the following Youtubers: Danisnotonfire, AmazingPhil, Charlieissocoollike, Nerimon, KickthePJ and crabstickz. Enjoy, and please voice your opinions on it :D (also contains ham, pregnancy, pikachu, maltesers, vampires, high school musical and creative smut.


PHANFIC

"Dan!" Phil's voice echoed through the house. He wiped the warm sweat off of his dark brows with a sigh of exasperation. Where was his Pikachu?

Pikachu was one of the most important things in Phil's life. Aside from Youtube, the Internet, lions and of course, his roommate Dan.

He couldn't help it. His wide blue eyes were brimming with tears. He had tried everywhere! He had tried his bedroom, Dan's bedroom, the bathroom, the lounge, everywhere. Then he remembered- the kitchen.

Phil suddenly recollected several nights earlier when he had been baking Victoria Sponge cake for his mum, and had propped his beloved Pikachu on the window sill.

He gave a whoop of joy, and merrily pranced down the stairs and could hear a flapping sound coming from the kitchen. Oh God, was Dan rummaging through the new secret stash of Maltesers already?

He shrugged, and opened the door and his jaw dropped.

Kneeling on the counter, his head flung back in what seemed to be ecstasy, his trousers a crumpled pile on the floor. As Phil lowered his gaze, he recognised the yellow stuffed toy clenched between Dan's tanned thighs.

"What the fuck." Phil breathed, allowing a rare curse slip his lips. "Dan, what are you doing? Is that my Pikachu?"

Surprisingly, Dan did not seem embarrassed. He motioned Phil over. "Come and take him, Phil."

With a cocked eyebrow, Phil moved towards Dan and extended his arm to take the Pikachu, but his wrist was quickly grasped by Dan and shoved past the Pikachu. Suddenly, as if charmed, Dan's genitals sprung to life and began to curl around Phil's wrist.

Phil was in a shock, which was only enhanced when his own genitals seemed to run for Dan's and he was pulled forwards, balls first, and then he was locked with Dan. What they both would have thought to be an unnatural state seemed suddenly very normal.

Dan let out a scream of excitement. Phil began to cry with happiness.

They embraced.

"Let's get some ham." Said Dan, biting his lip with a wink.

Still joined at the groins, they scrambled across the counter, knocking over a long line of utensils. Dan swiftly grasped a stray whisk and plunged it between the narrow space between them, whisking the air between them. Phil now recognised the flapping noise once more. They moved across the kitchen to the refrigerator and pulled out a packet of ham.

Phil poked a hole in the ham and wrapped it around their conjoinment, rolling it as tight as it would go.

"You know your ham, don't you?" Dan whispered, taking a slice, and rubbed it along Phil's legs before devouring it.

Phil snatched the whisk, and plunged it down Dan's throat. Dan moaned happily. Stretching the skin around his mouth, Phil then stuffed his arm and head in, followed by his long slender back and pale white legs. Soon, Phil was inside Dan's stomach.

From the outside, Dan looked suddenly very pregnant, but he did not mind. He jiggled his stomach with pleasure, and squatted. His stomach exploded, and Phil came tumbling out. Quickly tying his loose skin in a knot, Dan pulled his galaxy shirt down over his mangled torso.

Phil wanted more. "Again?" He asked quietly, beginning to cry again. He was covered in strange pink bits. He picked one up, and bit it. "Is this ham?" He wandered aloud.

Now dressed, Dan struck a seductive pose. "No Phil. That's my placenta."

Phil stopped crying. "You have a placenta? Are you a woman?"

"No, Phil. Don't be stupid, that's not even possible."

"Oh okay. Hold on, does this mean..?"

"Yes. I'm pregnant."

Phil began to cry again, this time with joy. "And I'm the father, yes?"

"Well who else?" Laughed Dan. Already, a large bump had formed on his stomach. "Hey Phil, it's kicking!"

Phil felt Dan's bump curiously, and felt four kicks ripple across his skin. He howled with excitement. "I think it's twins!"

Dan sighed. "They're boys. I know it."

Phil smiled. "Shall I get the Maltesers?"

"Yeah," nodded Dan, as Phil headed over to the cupboard. Suddenly, Dan cried.

"The babies are coming!" He leaped on to the sink, bending down, turning on the warm tap to relax himself. A rumble echoed through London, and the world began to shake.

"… What?" Whispered Dan, turning around. Alex Day stood in front of him, wearing only a zebra printed towel.

"I am here to deliver your fruits." Said Alex wisely, taking out a toilet plunger, and forced it up Dan's bottom.

He heaved and hoed, but finally there was a sizzle and Dan exploded. In his place were two little babies. Oddly, there was no blood. They were both dressed, has well-styled hair and light stubble. They held hands, and had name tags on their wrist, saying 'Chris' and 'PJ'.

Phil let out a burp of wonder, embracing the children, staring blankly as bits of Dan were scattered through the kitchen.

"How do we get Dan back? …Is he gone?" Phil whispered.

"Where's mummy?" Chris and PJ asked Alex Day in unison.

Alex Day sighed, and stroked himself in contemplation. A beard began to spout from his chin, and within seconds was touching the floor. The beard curled, and from it erupted a young man with a ukulele.

"Charlie McDonnell!" Phil wailed, throwing the children aside, and fell to his knees. "Help us, please!"

Charlie nodded, and with a strum of his ukulele, the bits of Dan began to reassemble, letting out a low hiss of pink smoke as they did.

Dan was back, and he glowed!1!

"I am a vampire." Said Dan lowly, moving towards the window and began to sparkle. "You call me Danward now."

"Mummy?" Chris and PJ asked, as their bearer picked them up.

"You still love me… Don't you, Phil?"

"Forever!" Cried Phil, tempted to climb inside Dan again, but decided to wait until the children were asleep. They were only just born, after all.

Heavenly music filled the room. Dan, Phil, Chris, PJ, Charlie and Alex all turned to Charlie's ukulele which independently has begun to sprout a song.

It filled the house. All of London heard it. All of England heard it. The whole world heard it, including Winnipeg (that's in Canada).

Charlie sighed. "We have some news of our own." He said slowly, placing his hand lovingly on Alex's abdomen. "Alex is pregnant too."

They all began to clap. The music, though they did not realise at the time was an old favourite.

"This could be the start of something new  
It feels so right to be here with you, oh-oh,  
And now looking in your eyes,  
I feel in my heart, oh-oh,  
The start of something new…"

They all began to dance, and the world danced with them.


End file.
